When she pushed against you and climbed on top of you as you rolled over, that delighted you. When you slapped her ass lightly while she rocked over you, she squealed with pleasure and tightened around you. Those little surprises keep your sex life interesting. They demonstrate that the person you have made love to for years – perhaps decades – still has their own ideas for what is fun in bed.
Sometimes, though, we need something more than tiny taps and sudden initiative to keep things lively and bring some spice into the bedroom. Adding some kinky surprises will increase the sexual intensity and deepen your emotional intimacy.
The worst time to find you that your partner really does not want to be tied up is when you have the rope out and around their wrist. Before you surprise your partner with something like bondage, spankings (beyond the quick light slap during sex), or sex toys, talk to them first. The chat should be away from the bedroom and well before you begin planning. Discuss with your partner the kinds of things you are interested in and make sure they are excited about the idea of you springing these things on them unexpectedly. It is also a time for the two of you to establish a safe word and talk about the limits you are not willing to cross or your partner does not want you to cross.
So, now that your partner knows you’re going to surprise them, everything is ruined, right?
You’re not going to surprise your partner with a surprise anal plug or bondage and tickle feather every time the two of you have sex. For your first few nights after your talk, keep things normal. Let your partner begin to wonder when it is coming, but if they ask, play coy.
Next, begin to tease your partner. Send text messages that hint to your partner that you might pop something unexpected that night – but don’t do it yet. Create a code with your partner, where simple, mundane words stand in for the kinds of things the two of you discussed. This will keep your partner from embarrassment if someone sees the exchange. It will also let you further tease by using the word to hint at something coming … and then continue talking about the mundane thing. For example, if your code word is “cat” for flogger, just send that word. When your partner responds with curiosity, respond back with something amusing the cat did.
You will do this kind of teasing from time to time, even after you start bringing in the surprises. The idea is to have your partner thinking about things randomly during the day. You want your partner excited and perhaps a little nervous as well, especially if their imagination tends to the darker side of things.
Keep Your Partner in the Dark
Once the two of you are in the bedroom, a blindfold will keep your partner guessing what is coming next. A silk scarf works well. It is comfortable, and until wrapped around your partner’s eyes is just innocent cloth. Keep a couple of extra scarfs handy to bind your partner’s wrists as well.
When you have your partner blindfolded, you can move onto surprising them with whatever kinky activity you have planned for the night. For the best results, start with something familiar to your partner. Oral sex is always a delightful surprise and will help your partner relax. As your partner’s arousal grows and they get close to orgasm, introduce the surprise. The blend of high arousal and your surprise should provide an intense orgasm.