Hot and cold draw visceral reactions from us, making them a wonderful tool for kink play. They are a lot of fun, but using them effectively in sex and kink requires practice and care, after all, you want your play to be safe, sane, and consensual. So let’s look at a few tips to keep temperature play safe so you can use it to add something extra to your intimate time.
Learn Your Partner’s Tolerances
Everyone has their own tolerance for hot and cold, both for how their skin reacts to them and how they handle them. Outside of your scene or bedroom, experiment with your partner. See how they respond to progressively colder objects and progressively warmer ones. Make a note of where your partner’s limits are and discuss how the two of you want to stay in them or push them.
Utilize the Proper Tools
For temperature play, you want tools that will hold a steady temperature long enough for your partner to enjoy. If you are using sex toys, glass and metal dildos and plugs work well for temperature play. You can also use your imagination. For example, cooling a light chain flogger can make for an interesting session as you drape the chilly chains along your partner’s body. Make sure that the tools you choose will tolerate temperature changes and will not rust or tarnish if wet.
Stainless steel works well for chains and metal sex toys. For glass, borosilicate glass is good. It is durable, resistant to chipping and breaking, and will hold and tolerate temperature well.
Heat and Cool Safely
When heating and cooling tools, it is important to remember to do it safely. You will be applying these items to your partner’s body – sometimes very delicate tissues. While we sometimes want to cause your partners pain, we do not want to do them real harm. When warming and cooling objects, follow these tips.
- Avoid heating objects that will touch your partner on direct heat – do not heat them in microwaves, ovens, or on stovetops. Instead, use a secondary heat source, such as hot water, to warm items. This will ensure that you are able to provide an even temperature across the object that will not be too hot for your partner.
- Do not place objects in freezers or on ice. When cooling objects, use a bucket or bowl of ice water instead. This will limit how cold the object can get and ensure it is wet enough not to try to stick to your partner’s skin (something that can happen with dry-cold objects).
- If you insert cold or warm objects into your partner, do not leave them in for too long and alternate temperatures gently. One danger with penetrative temperature play is that you begin to affect your partner’s core temperature, which can lead to illness or worse. If you penetrate your partner (anally or vaginally) with a hot or cold item, follow it up with the opposite temperature and keep contact brief. Make the change and short duration part of the game to build up your partner’s arousal and tension. You will both enjoy the release later.
Be careful with ice and wax. Ice and wax are both wonderful ways to experience temperature play, but you can do harm with both.
- For ice safety, avoid inserting ice into your partner’s body. Use pieces you can hold in your hand or between your fingers and make sure they are wet so they do not stick to your partner’s skin.
- When playing with wax, use a low-temp wax so that you do not scald your partner’s skin. Allow at least 5-6 inches between the heat source (if you are using a candle) and your partner’s skin so that the wax can air cool slightly before impact. Have aloe or burn gel handy as well as a cool rag in case of accidental burns. Avoid using hot wax on your partner’s genitals.
- Alternate temperatures. When you are playing with heat and cool, you will find you and your partner enjoy them best when used together. Give your partner something warm, then follow it with something cool, and vice versa. For example, drizzle hot wax along your partner’s back or stomach. Peel away the wax gently and trace over the area with ice before the skin has a chance to cool.
By alternating temperatures, you can use relatively mild heat and cool while maintaining maximum effect. An item only a few degrees warmer than room temperature will not seem very hot, but compared to the brush of an ice cube, it will be an inferno.